Defining You

Written By: Tselane Cormier

     When we are born we are all given a name, and that is the name we answer by in life; unless we are given a nickname or a preferred name. No matter the name we choose to go by, if we do not know who we are on the inside that name really doesn’t mean too much; only your identification at the Bureau of Vital Statics. Most feel that they need another human being to define who they are, others feel that they need material things to define who they are, and then there are those who rely the oldest friend in the book; money. These are the lost, and that is the majority of the world because most people fall under one category or the other; their mate, their possessions, or their money, and they wouldn’t know how to be real if they were forced to be real or die; they would all be dead.

     Here they go, and there they are the same old lost bunch I have been seeing for years. The conversations flows,

     “Girl I am so happy I just brought me a Dolce and Gabana

          Purse.”

They are supposed to be friends but the jealousy is evident because the girl is looking at her friend with pure disgust. I have never understood people; why all that fuss over a purse, and why would anyone pay that much for a purse? The conversation goes on for about the next thirty minutes, and all I can hear is how much this cost, and how much the other one paid for the rest of her possessions. The whole conversation sounds like a movie role, and that they must have the latest trends to fit in; be in the in crowd. Some people are so busy following trends, they do not take the time to try and become the trendsetter. They become so caught up in what their friends have, what everybody else has, what the world is doing they get lost, and they really forget who they are. I would love to stop the conversation and ask one of them what their names are, and what they want out of life, but I am scared of the answer that I may get. The conversation is supposed to be friendly, but from the looks I see passing from one to the other is it quite the vicious one, and I am choosing to eat lunch, not be the main course.

     I am in the store on a hot summer’s day in June, and I see an old friend. She stops me, and I am in uniform; she asks,

     “How long have you been working for there, and what do you   

          Do?”

I tell her that I have been working at my job for the last four years. She asks,

     “Do you live out here?”

The answer was no, and I was just out there serving a notice to someone. After all of the questions, she pulls out her phone, and begins to show me the pictures of her new house, and saying how she just brought a Benz, but that same person turned around and asked me could she borrow $500. So busy trying to front, and trying to keep up with the Jones’s, she was in a hole, and could not dig herself out of it. I have never understood people like that, they are draped in the finest clothes that money can buy, and they are driving the nicest cars, but they do not know where their next meal is coming from or the gas money for that nice ride. It is really ashamed that people have to front like that, because they really feel that where they live defines who they are. Even the people that can afford to keep up with the Jones’s they forget where they came from; for example, on Basketball Wives, Jennifer acted like she did not know what food stamps were. Even if people do not spend them, they know what the hell they are. Really, what does this say about the mass majority of people out there stunting in their big pretty houses, and driving in their $60,000 rides? In my opinion it is saying, that the world is full of insecure people, and they hide behind their possessions because they are scared to face up to who they really are, and they are even more scared to let the world see who they really are.

     There is a lady that I have known for about eight years, and she is never happy because she does not have a man at home. There are some people beat the doors to the church down on Sunday morning; not because they want to serve God, but because they are looking for their soul mate. There are some people that do not care if they do not have a job, their children do not have school clothes, and do not care if they are being evicted out of their place to live, but as long as they have the person that they are with they are happy. It is ok for people to love their mates like that, but there are so many people; the majority of them being women let others define who they are. I have seen women make major accomplishments, but if they do not have a man in their lives they do not feel that they can go on. There are some men and women who will deny themselves true happiness trying to hold on to people that do not mean them any good just to have it said they have somebody in their lives. There is no rule in life that says that people have to have a significant other to be somebody. They say that there is someone for everyone, but when people do not find that one, then they will have major shut down in life.

     This article is to share how most people in this life feel that they need material things, money, or another person to define who they are. Possessions, money, or another person should have to define who you are because each of us has a talent, and each of us is unique our own way. It may not be meant for you, just because your friend has it, or it may not be your turn to have it yet. People should learn that everyone has a limit, and to know their limits, and to learn to love themselves. It is ok to be a follower sometimes, but I feel that at some point people should learn to lead the way. Always remember that if we do not know who we are, how do we expect for others to except us for who we are. They are merely excepting a face and physical being with an empty vessel. This is the Queen of Real Talk, reminding everyone to keep it real because when we lie to others we are lying to ourselves. Ciao Dolls!